events from the last few weeks

When we were discharged from the hospital the ride home was so scary for me.  The minute I got in the car I was overcome with emotion and the tears started to flow.  After all that we had been through in the last few years of trying to start a family.  The failed adoptions, miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy and losing Arawynn.  We never were able to bring any children into our home.  I was so scared that something was inevitably going to happen on the way home from the hospital to prevent us yet again from bringing our boys home.  It was a stressful ride home but the closer we got the more the anxiety started to slip away.  And the moment we pulled in the driveway safe and sound and brought the boys into the house I was so relieved.  At long last we were a family in our home sweet home.

Levi came home from the hospital with a word from the pediatrician to keep an eye on his color.  He saw the potential for elevated biliruben levels.  Their first appointment was to be the Monday after birth and when we brought them in he was indeed looking yellow.  We had to get his blood drawn at the lab to see where the levels were at.  It came back at 13.3 which was just high enough for the doctor to decide on photo treatment.  So we had to get a biliblanket and keep that on him for a few days.  The biliblanket made him light up like a glow worm or lightening bug.

Look at those big eyes!

 That's my glow worm.

This is the machine he was hooked up to.  It was really a pain to have him in one spot and not be able  to walk around with him.  I pretty much lived in the family room for those few days.  But it was worth it to seem my little guy getting treatment and make the biliruben count to go down.

When they were 9 days old we took them to Sandy VanderTol to get some photos taken.  They turned out wonderfully.  Here are a few of my favorites.  I will post a bunch more in a separate post.  

 Mommy and Levi

 Levi in the bowl and William

 Typical William munching on his fingers.

 Levi

 I love naked body pictures.  I insisted on them :-o
and yes, I did get peed on.

 My little cherubs.

 Family photo!

And this shows their personalities so well.  Definitely my favorite.

And some random photos....

 Baby burritos

 peekaboo

 I love these hats!

 William holding mommy's hand

 check out our fancy car seats

nap-time with Papa

There is so much to say and yet so little time to share.  I have tried on numerous occasions to take a moment to write something for this blog but I am interrupted so often that I lose track of what I intend to write about.  I feel like I am missing out on remembering so many little moments that I wished to share with all of you.  My wish is to keep an accounting of all the little things on a daily basis but it just isn't feasible right now.  I know it will get better but I think I need to be resigned to the fact that these first few months are going to be chaos.  Life will not have a set routine nor should I expect one.  Anyway, I will try to update occasionally but no promises on how often.  Who knew that twins would be soooo much work?  I knew it would be double but now I think it is actually three times the work of one.  Doug, my Mom and myself are all tired and amazed at the amount of work. 

The last three weeks have been...well, the most exhausting days I can ever remember.  Even when we were in Ann Arbor I don't remember being this wiped out.  At least there I could get an uninterrupted night sleep on most nights.  Sleep has never been so coveted.  An IV for nutrition and water would be such an answer to my problem of forgetting to eat or not having time to eat and drink.  My memory cells have been passed onto my children and I have a feeling that it will take a couple of years for me to grow replacements.  And showers.  What are those again?  If you plan to stop by, I apologize in advance for my odor.

Okay, okay, I know it sounds like complaints and that I resent my position.   But honestly I don't.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I know the exhaustion is only temporary.  Their eyes, smiles, sleepy grunts and loveable personalities all make it worth it.  They are truly my greatest joy and they make me laugh and smile and sigh all at the same time.  

I love to watch them smile in their sleep or how they look for me when I talk to them.  All of their expressions are priceless.  They are quite content and happy babies.  They don't fuss for no reason.  Usually they want to be fed or just be snuggled and then they are content.  The way they munch on their fingers when they are so hungry makes me laugh and of course I then get them something to eat.  

I'm in awe that they are finally here.  My anxiety of something tragic happening gets less with each day.  I look forward to all of the wonderful moments we shall encounter as they grow up.  I love them with my whole being.  

One thing I could use prayer for is about breast milk.  I had an infection in my left breast last week and it has left me with a diminished supply.  It has increased only slightly but I have a feeling it may never come back the way it should.  I had been getting .25 to .5 oz out of the left breast and 1.5 to 2 oz out of the right breast.  It is discouraging for me that I do not produce enough to feed the both of them and I have been having to supplement half or more of their feedings.  I am sure that the other half of my problem has been that I have not been getting enough rest or water plus the fact that I am taking antibiotics may not be helping either.  The last few days I have stopped breastfeeding and concentrated on pumping and sleep.  I think I am allowing myself to be okay with the idea of letting go of the breastfeeding if I need to.  This has removed some of the stress and it has allowed some of the milk production to go up a little in my good breast.  Now I get 2.5 oz out of the right side I may only get .5 to .75 oz out of the left.   I have been taking some supplements (fenugreek and milk thistle) and the doctor prescribed Reglan to help with milk production.  So between all of these things, one or all of them may be helping with the increase.  Anyway, I would like to continue breastfeeding because I know it's best for them but if it is more important for me to just spend time with them and be a rested and healthy mommy then I need to fully be able to accept this.  Please pray that I make the right choice for me and my babies and that I can live happily with my decision.

A second thing for prayer is that we all find our groove and schedule so that everyone is getting their rest and not feeling overwhelmed by the amount of work.  Doug is going back to work on June 2nd and it is going to be really hard without his help.  I need to figure out how my Mom and I are going to be able to do this without him and be organised about it.

Much love to all of you and thank you in advance for your prayers.

Molly

Happy Birthday!

Monday May 2

Admit day at Spectrum Health Butterworth.  The same hospital I was born at.  I was so antsy that day waiting for 7 pm to come so we could head out the door and be on the road at long last.  Our scheduled induction was for 7:30pm.

Doug's Dad and Step-mother came out that afternoon and followed us to the hospital so they would know where to go Tuesday.  Doug's Mother was going to catch a flight out of Seattle Tuesday morning.   

We live three miles from the hospital so it doesn't exactly take a half hour for us to get there.  We arrived a tad early.  I never have liked being late to an appointment.  :-)

The Helen Devos Children's Hospital opened up earlier this year and had been excited that I would be able to have the boys there.  BUT... it was not to be.  After all of the planning they did they changed it and did not end up moving the labor and delivery nor the NICU over there.  It is still in the Center tower of Butterworth.  Needless to say I was quite disappointed when my doctor told me to go through the ER entrance as usual.  From what he explained the hospital realized as they were building the children's hospital that they would already be at capacity by the time it opened so some things had to change from the original plan.  Crazy huh?  Oh well.  I am very glad that it was built and they have so many services there to offer.

In spite of being early we had no problems getting in right away.  They were ready and waiting for us.  The plan was to have an ultrasound to verify the boys were still down.  Check!  Then they needed to see if I had made any progress on my own.  No.  So then they went ahead and gave me some Cervidil.  It stays in for 12 hours and the hope is that it will soften the cervix.  So the long wait began.  

I started out in the hospital bed but that didn't last for long.  It was way to uncomfortable.  You would think that the hospital would get some much more comfortable beds considering the person in them is going to be in so much discomfort.  I doubt I was in that bed for a half hour.  I had Doug move some furniture around and bring the recliner close to the monitor.  This recliner is where I stayed mostly through the night the next day and the next night. 

The Cervidil did cause me to have fairly frequent contractions which is good.  But since it made me obviously uncomfortable they gave me some Stadol so that I could rest through the night.  It made me get the shakes and feel yucky.  I had this with the last pregnancy but I thought it was because of the Pitocin.  Now that I know it was the Stadol I am making a mental note to never take that again.

May 3rd.

Yay, today is there birthday!  Or so I expected.  Ha ha, jokes on me.  

I was checked for any progress and there was barely any difference.  Grrrrr.  The doctor decided to go with Pitocin instead of another round of the Cervidil.  He hoped that my body would decide to progress on its own.  It was a very uncomfortable day.  The Pitocin definitely made me have contractions and at one point they had to back down on how much I was getting because they were coming to frequently.  I took a couple of showers that day and it helped me to relax. By the evening I was so tired and at my end that I was getting weepy.  I didn't feel like I could go on.  I was ready to give up. 

You all know how much I did not want a c-section but I was really contemplating it.  Doug was so wonderful to me.  He kept encouraging me and saying how he knew I could do it.  He told me how strong I was.  I had not progressed much all day and so I was not at a point were I could even get an epidural to alleviate the pain.  That evening the Pitocin was turned off and I was able to order some dinner.  I was so hungry and grateful to eat.  Then I was given another round of the Cervidil as well as some Morphine mixed with something else to help with the pain and make me sleep.  The morphine managed to help me make it through the night but I was in tears again the next morning.  The discomfort was more than I could stand.  Doug kept encouraging me.

Grandpa Doug, Grandma Heidi, Grandma Wanda and Grandpa Mike were there part of the day hanging out with us.  We had a nice time visiting but we were all a bit bummed that the boys were not going to come that day.  The grandparents left to get some rest and would come back to wait again the next day.

May 4th

They checked me again that morning and there was finally softening and changes happening.  I ordered breakfast before they hooked me up to the Pitocin again.  I tried taking a shower but it didn't last very long.  I hurt so much I couldn't stand or sit in the water.  I got out and leaned over the tub feeling very nauseous.  But by the time the food arrived I was still feeling so sick to my stomach from the pain that I couldn't eat a bite.  At least Doug got to eat it for me so it didn't go to waste.

The good news was that I was progressed enough that I could get the epidural and it couldn't come soon enough.  Time to move out of the recliner and into the bed.  The anesthesiologist came in and I knew from prior experience that this was going to be really hard for me.  You have to lean forward during a contraction and not move while he inserts the needle.  OMG!  I kept counting and telling myself just a few more minutes and then the pain will be gone.  Only a few more minutes....

Finally finished.  The soft tingling in my toes started and worked its way up my legs.  Oh man, that feels so much better.  Finally some relief.  And laying in the uncomfortable bed wasn't so uncomfortable any more...because I couldn't feel it.  :-)

I don't remember much of the rest of the day because I slept through most of it.  I know that my doctor came in a couple of times but I had no sense of time.  Then my doctor walked in and started getting equipment out and ready which woke me from one of my snoozes.  I asked him if it was time to start pushing and to my happiness he nodded and said yes I was ready.  They rolled me over to my back and got me ready.  The grandpas left the room.  My mom and Doug were going to be there with me and I had invited Heidi to stay if she wanted to.  I think this made her a little excited.  Okay okay, maybe a lot excited.  I'm glad I could make this day special for her.

I couldn't feel any of the contractions so I had to rely solely on the doctors and nurses.  When they said push I pushed.  Three pushes later out popped William.  Wow!  That was quite unexpected on my part.  I was expecting a little more time pushing the first one out.  I thought that would be the long part of pushing, to get the first one out.

They layed him on my stomach but he couldn't come up too close to me because he had a short umbilical cord.  Time of birth was 4:20pm.  Doug cut the cord while I admired the top of my little ones head.  He had such dark hair.  Not much, but it was dark like Arawynn's was.  I pulled William up closer to me so I could see his face.  He was so tiny.  Such tiny features.  Petite might be a better explanation.  He was gorgeous.  I held him for a few minutes until it was time to start pushing again.  I handed William over to a nurse so she could clean him up.

Push.  Push.  Push.  Take a break and wait for the next contraction.  Push.  Push. Push.  Second break.  Push.  Push.  Push.  Another break.  Push.  Push.  Push.  He's almost there, just keep pushing if you can.  Push.  Push.  And there he was.  Again they laid my baby on my stomach.  Time of birth 4:39pm.  Nineteen minutes after his brother.  The first thing I can see is the top of his head and noticed that his hair was lighter than William.  And he was white.  Almost blue actually.  I was concerned that the cord was around his neck but it had not been.  After the cord was cut I pulled him up close so I could see his face.  He looks so much like Doug.  He had such big lips.  His face was so much more round than William.  He was already wanting to nurse as his mouth went through the sucking motions.  I handed him off to a nurse to get him cleaned up.

William was handed back to me all cleaned up, wrapped up and wearing a hospital hat.  They wrote a big A on the front of his hat.  He was so precious.  I admired his little face more and we talked for a bit.  I eventually let his Papa hold him.  Doug brought William over to Levi and showed him his brother while Levi was getting cleaned up.  Then I guess he went out into the hall to show the Grandpas their grandson.  I found out later that my dad had been waiting by the door and listening for their cries when they were born.  He was beside himself with anticipation.

 holding William

At some point I tried nursing and I was able to hold Levi after he was all cleaned up.  But it's all a blur and I don't really remember much.  I was just so happy and exhausted.  I wanted to hold my babies and admire them but I wanted to have a nap too.  It was a good day.

 Levi

Happy birthday my precious boys!

 Levi Gregory Lang

William Robert Lang

Hello Everyone

Sorry I haven't posted in a while.  Most of you have heard through the grapevine that the babies were born on May 4th.  I have been so busy and exhausted that I haven't been able to write here.  I started once but never got to finish the post.  I think of it everyday and hope to get to it but between feeding, changing diapers and trying to catch the occasional nap I haven't had time.  I hope to get to it soon.

William Robert was born at 4:20pm weighing 6lb 1oz and 18 inches long
Levi Gregory was born at 4:39pm weighing 6lb 5oz and 18.5 inches long

Thanks for all of your prayers!

Molly

Are we there yet?

Tonight is my last night at home.  I hope I sleep well.  But I might have a hard time with that.  I might be too excited to sleep.  

I've got my list of things to get done tomorrow.  Last minute errands and chores.  Thankfully Doug will be servant to make sure my things get done.  

The Grandmas and Grandpas are all getting ready to come in the next day or two.  The boys will have an awesome welcoming party waiting for them!

As I sit here writing this my mom is painting my toes.  The boys should see something pretty when they come out. Right?

Stay tuned for photos!