There is so much to say and yet so little time to share.  I have tried on numerous occasions to take a moment to write something for this blog but I am interrupted so often that I lose track of what I intend to write about.  I feel like I am missing out on remembering so many little moments that I wished to share with all of you.  My wish is to keep an accounting of all the little things on a daily basis but it just isn't feasible right now.  I know it will get better but I think I need to be resigned to the fact that these first few months are going to be chaos.  Life will not have a set routine nor should I expect one.  Anyway, I will try to update occasionally but no promises on how often.  Who knew that twins would be soooo much work?  I knew it would be double but now I think it is actually three times the work of one.  Doug, my Mom and myself are all tired and amazed at the amount of work. 

The last three weeks have been...well, the most exhausting days I can ever remember.  Even when we were in Ann Arbor I don't remember being this wiped out.  At least there I could get an uninterrupted night sleep on most nights.  Sleep has never been so coveted.  An IV for nutrition and water would be such an answer to my problem of forgetting to eat or not having time to eat and drink.  My memory cells have been passed onto my children and I have a feeling that it will take a couple of years for me to grow replacements.  And showers.  What are those again?  If you plan to stop by, I apologize in advance for my odor.

Okay, okay, I know it sounds like complaints and that I resent my position.   But honestly I don't.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I know the exhaustion is only temporary.  Their eyes, smiles, sleepy grunts and loveable personalities all make it worth it.  They are truly my greatest joy and they make me laugh and smile and sigh all at the same time.  

I love to watch them smile in their sleep or how they look for me when I talk to them.  All of their expressions are priceless.  They are quite content and happy babies.  They don't fuss for no reason.  Usually they want to be fed or just be snuggled and then they are content.  The way they munch on their fingers when they are so hungry makes me laugh and of course I then get them something to eat.  

I'm in awe that they are finally here.  My anxiety of something tragic happening gets less with each day.  I look forward to all of the wonderful moments we shall encounter as they grow up.  I love them with my whole being.  

One thing I could use prayer for is about breast milk.  I had an infection in my left breast last week and it has left me with a diminished supply.  It has increased only slightly but I have a feeling it may never come back the way it should.  I had been getting .25 to .5 oz out of the left breast and 1.5 to 2 oz out of the right breast.  It is discouraging for me that I do not produce enough to feed the both of them and I have been having to supplement half or more of their feedings.  I am sure that the other half of my problem has been that I have not been getting enough rest or water plus the fact that I am taking antibiotics may not be helping either.  The last few days I have stopped breastfeeding and concentrated on pumping and sleep.  I think I am allowing myself to be okay with the idea of letting go of the breastfeeding if I need to.  This has removed some of the stress and it has allowed some of the milk production to go up a little in my good breast.  Now I get 2.5 oz out of the right side I may only get .5 to .75 oz out of the left.   I have been taking some supplements (fenugreek and milk thistle) and the doctor prescribed Reglan to help with milk production.  So between all of these things, one or all of them may be helping with the increase.  Anyway, I would like to continue breastfeeding because I know it's best for them but if it is more important for me to just spend time with them and be a rested and healthy mommy then I need to fully be able to accept this.  Please pray that I make the right choice for me and my babies and that I can live happily with my decision.

A second thing for prayer is that we all find our groove and schedule so that everyone is getting their rest and not feeling overwhelmed by the amount of work.  Doug is going back to work on June 2nd and it is going to be really hard without his help.  I need to figure out how my Mom and I are going to be able to do this without him and be organised about it.

Much love to all of you and thank you in advance for your prayers.

Molly