Progress. Finally!

William has a sensitive spirit.  He cries or fusses about things a little too quickly.  He has a difficult time handling change.  And he needs a physical connection with someone often.  So it isn't a shock that he has been challenging for me to get him to sleep on his own.  He has slept with me for the most part since he was born.  Before he could roll over he would nap in the crib but since then I haven't had much success.  It has been exhausting for me because it wakes me up so often when he is moving around.  I love snuggling with him but he needs to learn to sleep without physical contact.  

Now that he is over the ear infections and Roseola I felt I could finally tackle this problem.  So the past week has been all about Operation: "GO TO SLEEP!"

I started out with putting him in the pack'n'play for naps but he would scream and never go to sleep.  Fail. I decided I wasn't going to force it or fight it.  Instead I let him stay awake and play.  Even though he would rub his eyes and was tired I wasn't going to rock him to sleep.  He would try climbing into my lap and laying his head on my shoulder but I wouldn't let him get comfortable.  So for two days he didn't have a morning nap.  By the time Levi was ready for his afternoon nap so was William.  I put him in the pack'n'play and after a couple minutes of fussing he was so tired he laid down and slept.  

Success!

While I was working on naps I didn't want to work on nighttime.  I didn't want to stress him out too much so I stuck to our normal nighttime routine.  In a way it was nice because it made sure I went to bed at a decent time.

William is doing better at going down for a nap.  He doesn't fuss so much.  So I started working on bedtime with him.  The first night I let him cry for an hour before I got him out of bed.  My heart just couldn't let him go on crying any longer.  He fell asleep in my arms very quickly.  The second night I sat on my bed while he cried.  I thought that being nearby might make him feel not so abandoned.  He cried for close to an hour before he wore himself out.  Once he fell to his knees he laid down and fell asleep very quickly.  Whew! What an ordeal.  

I felt pretty good about it.  This was the first time he had fallen asleep in his crib.  He slept there until about four am when he started crying and then I scooped him up and laid him in bed by me.  At least I got a couple hours of snuggling in.

The third night he cried for fifteen minutes or so and sounded pretty panicky.  I went and got him and held him for another fifteen minutes before putting him back to bed.  He wasn't crying constantly anymore.  He would have a minute or two of resting before resuming the crying.  But he fell asleep sooner than the night before.  And I did not sit in the room with him.  Add to this the fact that he slept in his crib the entire night.  This was a big deal for me and I was so proud of him.  My sweet little man.

Tonight he cried but was out within a half hour.  I think it is getting better for him which means it is getting better for me.  Well, sort of.  I will get more rest but I sure will miss holding him while he sleeps.

It tears my heart to hear him cry and not respond to him.  Everything within me wants to go and scoop him up and cradle him in my arms.  Then kiss on him and tell him everything will be fine.  

That is the challenge to being a good parent isn't it?  Wanting to give into the child's desire but knowing you have to stay strong for the good of the child.  And to think the challenges will only get harder the older they are.  Five years from know I will look back on this and probably think of how easy that was compared to whatever I will be going through.   

Sometimes I ponder over the moments I have with these boys.  I compare it to what God must feel about us.  Having a child gives me so much insight into the love God has for us.  It makes me realize how selfish I have been.  Who am I kidding...how selfish I am.  I don't want to be selfish and I don't want to teach my children to be selfish.  I am grateful that God is so forgiving and His love is never-ending.  God give me the tools to be a good mom and raise them to be upright men, knowing what is good and noble.