I am ready to finish this pregnancy. Throughout it I have been keeping April 30 in my head as a target date. I kept telling myself this so that it would happen and they would have the advantage of completely "baking until done." Now I want to throw that date out the window and have them "today." Unfortunately, I think the boys are going to wait until the end of the month because I've convinced them that's what they need to do.
I am a little nervous however that they may decide to make an appearance on Arawynn's birthday. This thought makes me uncomfortable and I really hope that does not happen. It would be really hard for me to give my all to celebrating their birthday and having to shelve the emotions of grief that I'm sure I will feel that day and each year following. Obviously it wouldn't lessen my love for them. But, I have so little of Arawynn to hold onto that I want that day to belong entirely to her.
So, only God knows when they will make their arrival in this world. Right now I'm not worth much. I sit in my recliner and sleep, read and peruse the internet. I sure read about more news than ever before. Not like I have much else to do. I want to be up and getting lots of things done but I don't have the stamina. So glad my mom is here to help with making dinners and taking me to the grocery store. It can get discouraging for me that I can't get certain projects worked on because my mobility and energy is so limited. So much in my mind to do.
Just waiting....and waiting...
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