Another week in paradise.

A couple of days ago Doug was holding William so that he was sitting up.  My brother walked up to them from the side and said, "there's my little nephew," as he touched Williams arm.  William turned his head to the side and looked up at his uncle James.  He then smiled the biggest best smile I have seen him give yet.  It was so amazing to me to see how deliberate and intentional his motions were.  It wasn't accidental or coincidental in any way.

I love how when he smiles his eyes smile too.  His eyelids curve almost as much as his mouth does.  And those eyes are so blue.  Sigh, I melt when I look at either one of them.

Levi has been cooing for the last couple weeks but yesterday William finally started to find his voice.  There were a few instances were he had a short little coo escape from his cute little body.  So sweet.  I look forward to hearing it more frequently.  He has been smiling a bit more too.  He is also becoming somewhat aware of his hands.

They have been growing like weeds.  I don't know how much they weigh or what there length is but I bet they are close to 9 pounds.  They've already outgrown some clothes.  William is starting to have longer stretches of sleep on some nights.  I can't wait for that to be a regular occurrence :)  Levi needs to catch up on that idea.

Since we have been staying at my Mom's house I have been getting another set of hands to help out.  My Dad has been coming over nearly every day to hold one of the boys.  Usually he is holding William.  William has been somewhat of a fussy boy and my Dad has enjoyed the challenge of getting him calm and sleepy.  It's nice to have the extra help so I can get some normal things done like laundry and eating. It is especially helpful on the days when both Doug and my Mom are working.  I get a little panicky when I have two screaming boys and only one set of hands.

Monday night I introduced the boys to the people in my Mom's courtyard.  Each month the residents in her courtyard of the condo association get together for dinner.  They do potlucks in the summer.  It's a nice way for everyone to stay in touch.  The boys were the hit of the evening.  There were so many grandmas out there wanting a chance to hold them so I got to enjoy a break from holding them while I had dinner.  We were outside for a little more than an hour and I could tell the heat was starting to get to them.  Once we got back inside I fed them but it was not a happy evening.  They were crying and not feeling well from the heat.  They eventually got baths in and I think it helped them to get tired out a bit.  I feel so bad when they get overheated.  We have been keeping the air conditioning on every day even when it seems like a "nice" day outside.  Even though it may feel nice to us at 75 degrees I know it is too much for them.  The humidity can be way to much for them.  So I sit in the house with my sweater and socks on and I'm okay with that as long as they are comfortable.

Has it been 6 weeks?

Time for another update and a few stories.

The first time we took the boys out was on Mothers Day.  We went to my Mom's church to show them off to everyone there that had been praying for us.  It was nice to see everyone.  I think the only reason I was able to make this trip was that I had not yet run out of energy.  The boys got passed around a bit and it tired them out so they slept most of the afternoon for us.

Shortly after the boys were born I had to bring them into the WIC office to update our information.  They needed to take measurements and what not of the boys.  While I was stripping Levi down I noticed a bruise on his forearm.  I of course started talking to him and asking him where he got it from and the woman assisting us looked at it too.  I'm sure she has written something in the chart to watch for bruising and signs of abuse.  I was clueless as to where it came from.  My mom had stepped out of the room but when she returned I asked her if she knew anything about it.  At first she couldn't think of anything but then she did mention he had been sucking on his arm the night before when she was getting a bottle ready for him.  That made sense.  He did that a lot when he was getting hungry.  However this was the first time that he actually gave himself a hickey.  My mom was a little nervous that they were going to have CPS stop by or something; which they didn't. 

A couple of weeks ago I was giving Levi a bath.  You know I love naked babies and I had to take a picture of course.  I was amazed at how Levi would stretch out and want to have his feet planted on something.  So I handed him to Grandma to hold him as he stood on the table and I took a picture.  Well just as I was snapping the photo he decided to pee.  It was his first stand up pee.  And then I heard a loud fart and a splat of poo showed up on the towel.  I was dying from laughter.  Thank goodness he didn't do that in the bath water.

Levi made my morning by just being so happy.  He was all smiles for me.  I ate it all up.  And in typical boy fashion Levi has already discovered the humour in pooping and farting.  This morning he was letting out some significant explosions in his pants and after each one he would look at me and then give me the biggest smile.  He was practically laughing.  Which of course made me laugh too.

One more thing about Levi.  He has been cooing for the last few days.  It is the sweetest sound in the world.  It makes me melt.  William isn't quite there yet but he has these funny little outbursts that last about 1 second.  Kind of a shout out to say "hey!"  It's pretty stinkin' cute.

William had a few days where I don't think he was feeling all that well.  He would burp up quite a bit of his food.  But I think that was related to the heat we were having and he has gotten over that problem.  But he has a problem of swallowing a lot of air when he eats.  This makes his tummy hurt and he is not a happy baby.  Today seemed better and there wasn't much crying when we had to burp him.  I'm hoping he gets better with the feedings. 

Last time I asked that you pray about the breast feeding problem.  Well I did start getting another infection in the other breast so I decided to give it up.  I cannot function as a good mom if I'm sick frequently.  However I have still been fighting a fever and body aches.  They come and go every couple of days and I don't know why.  More prayers for this please. 

On the up side, a friend of my mother has been pumping and freezing her milk for the last few months and praying for someone who could use it.  So I'm the answer to her prayer and she is the answer to mine.  I don't like the idea of the boys being completely on formula.  They have been on her milk for the past week and it is going well.  I'm so happy about it.  However I have still been fighting a fever and body aches.  They come and go every couple of days and I don't know why.  More prayers for this please.

So the big news this past week is that we had to make an emergency exodus from our home.  We knew the roof was leaking and a couple months ago found out how bad it was.  It needs to be completely replaced.  Well with all the rain we have been having the leaks have gotten much worse.  And then the hot and humid days have created a serious mold problem.  It was starting to make Doug itch and we were concerned about the boys health and my Mom's health.  So a couple days later we moved into my Mom's condo.  Everything is chaos right now and I'm overwhelmed by all that needs to be done.  But I know we will survive somehow.  The important thing is that the boys are safe.  This is only a temporary solution while we figure out something more permanent.

So while we stay at my Mom's it puts us close to my Dad and he walks over nearly every day to see his grand babies.  He likes to sit in the recliner and rock them to sleep.  It is nice to have him here because I can occasionally take a nap w/out worrying about my Mom having to handle both babies.

Some days I don't think I'm going to make it through the challenge of taking care of infants but yet I know I will somehow.  I will look back on it and say, "see, you did it."  But for now, I'm whooped.  Sometimes I want to just cry myself to sleep from exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed.  I admit it is easier that those first three weeks but not by much.  I wouldn't trade my little angels for anything in the world.  When I start thinking I can't make it I just need to look at them and when they smile it just lights up my world.

If anyone is serious about wanting to babysit for me during the week please let me know.  I would like to go to my house and pack up some things but I don't want to leave my mom alone with two babies.  It is too much to ask any one person to do.

And some random pictures....

 Levi napping

 William napping with Papa

 trying to catch a picture of William smiling

 Does this pacifier make me look fat?

 chillin' with the Mama

 William.  I R Cute!

 from the photo session

events from the last few weeks

When we were discharged from the hospital the ride home was so scary for me.  The minute I got in the car I was overcome with emotion and the tears started to flow.  After all that we had been through in the last few years of trying to start a family.  The failed adoptions, miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy and losing Arawynn.  We never were able to bring any children into our home.  I was so scared that something was inevitably going to happen on the way home from the hospital to prevent us yet again from bringing our boys home.  It was a stressful ride home but the closer we got the more the anxiety started to slip away.  And the moment we pulled in the driveway safe and sound and brought the boys into the house I was so relieved.  At long last we were a family in our home sweet home.

Levi came home from the hospital with a word from the pediatrician to keep an eye on his color.  He saw the potential for elevated biliruben levels.  Their first appointment was to be the Monday after birth and when we brought them in he was indeed looking yellow.  We had to get his blood drawn at the lab to see where the levels were at.  It came back at 13.3 which was just high enough for the doctor to decide on photo treatment.  So we had to get a biliblanket and keep that on him for a few days.  The biliblanket made him light up like a glow worm or lightening bug.

Look at those big eyes!

 That's my glow worm.

This is the machine he was hooked up to.  It was really a pain to have him in one spot and not be able  to walk around with him.  I pretty much lived in the family room for those few days.  But it was worth it to seem my little guy getting treatment and make the biliruben count to go down.

When they were 9 days old we took them to Sandy VanderTol to get some photos taken.  They turned out wonderfully.  Here are a few of my favorites.  I will post a bunch more in a separate post.  

 Mommy and Levi

 Levi in the bowl and William

 Typical William munching on his fingers.

 Levi

 I love naked body pictures.  I insisted on them :-o
and yes, I did get peed on.

 My little cherubs.

 Family photo!

And this shows their personalities so well.  Definitely my favorite.

And some random photos....

 Baby burritos

 peekaboo

 I love these hats!

 William holding mommy's hand

 check out our fancy car seats

nap-time with Papa

There is so much to say and yet so little time to share.  I have tried on numerous occasions to take a moment to write something for this blog but I am interrupted so often that I lose track of what I intend to write about.  I feel like I am missing out on remembering so many little moments that I wished to share with all of you.  My wish is to keep an accounting of all the little things on a daily basis but it just isn't feasible right now.  I know it will get better but I think I need to be resigned to the fact that these first few months are going to be chaos.  Life will not have a set routine nor should I expect one.  Anyway, I will try to update occasionally but no promises on how often.  Who knew that twins would be soooo much work?  I knew it would be double but now I think it is actually three times the work of one.  Doug, my Mom and myself are all tired and amazed at the amount of work. 

The last three weeks have been...well, the most exhausting days I can ever remember.  Even when we were in Ann Arbor I don't remember being this wiped out.  At least there I could get an uninterrupted night sleep on most nights.  Sleep has never been so coveted.  An IV for nutrition and water would be such an answer to my problem of forgetting to eat or not having time to eat and drink.  My memory cells have been passed onto my children and I have a feeling that it will take a couple of years for me to grow replacements.  And showers.  What are those again?  If you plan to stop by, I apologize in advance for my odor.

Okay, okay, I know it sounds like complaints and that I resent my position.   But honestly I don't.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I know the exhaustion is only temporary.  Their eyes, smiles, sleepy grunts and loveable personalities all make it worth it.  They are truly my greatest joy and they make me laugh and smile and sigh all at the same time.  

I love to watch them smile in their sleep or how they look for me when I talk to them.  All of their expressions are priceless.  They are quite content and happy babies.  They don't fuss for no reason.  Usually they want to be fed or just be snuggled and then they are content.  The way they munch on their fingers when they are so hungry makes me laugh and of course I then get them something to eat.  

I'm in awe that they are finally here.  My anxiety of something tragic happening gets less with each day.  I look forward to all of the wonderful moments we shall encounter as they grow up.  I love them with my whole being.  

One thing I could use prayer for is about breast milk.  I had an infection in my left breast last week and it has left me with a diminished supply.  It has increased only slightly but I have a feeling it may never come back the way it should.  I had been getting .25 to .5 oz out of the left breast and 1.5 to 2 oz out of the right breast.  It is discouraging for me that I do not produce enough to feed the both of them and I have been having to supplement half or more of their feedings.  I am sure that the other half of my problem has been that I have not been getting enough rest or water plus the fact that I am taking antibiotics may not be helping either.  The last few days I have stopped breastfeeding and concentrated on pumping and sleep.  I think I am allowing myself to be okay with the idea of letting go of the breastfeeding if I need to.  This has removed some of the stress and it has allowed some of the milk production to go up a little in my good breast.  Now I get 2.5 oz out of the right side I may only get .5 to .75 oz out of the left.   I have been taking some supplements (fenugreek and milk thistle) and the doctor prescribed Reglan to help with milk production.  So between all of these things, one or all of them may be helping with the increase.  Anyway, I would like to continue breastfeeding because I know it's best for them but if it is more important for me to just spend time with them and be a rested and healthy mommy then I need to fully be able to accept this.  Please pray that I make the right choice for me and my babies and that I can live happily with my decision.

A second thing for prayer is that we all find our groove and schedule so that everyone is getting their rest and not feeling overwhelmed by the amount of work.  Doug is going back to work on June 2nd and it is going to be really hard without his help.  I need to figure out how my Mom and I are going to be able to do this without him and be organised about it.

Much love to all of you and thank you in advance for your prayers.

Molly

Happy Birthday!

Monday May 2

Admit day at Spectrum Health Butterworth.  The same hospital I was born at.  I was so antsy that day waiting for 7 pm to come so we could head out the door and be on the road at long last.  Our scheduled induction was for 7:30pm.

Doug's Dad and Step-mother came out that afternoon and followed us to the hospital so they would know where to go Tuesday.  Doug's Mother was going to catch a flight out of Seattle Tuesday morning.   

We live three miles from the hospital so it doesn't exactly take a half hour for us to get there.  We arrived a tad early.  I never have liked being late to an appointment.  :-)

The Helen Devos Children's Hospital opened up earlier this year and had been excited that I would be able to have the boys there.  BUT... it was not to be.  After all of the planning they did they changed it and did not end up moving the labor and delivery nor the NICU over there.  It is still in the Center tower of Butterworth.  Needless to say I was quite disappointed when my doctor told me to go through the ER entrance as usual.  From what he explained the hospital realized as they were building the children's hospital that they would already be at capacity by the time it opened so some things had to change from the original plan.  Crazy huh?  Oh well.  I am very glad that it was built and they have so many services there to offer.

In spite of being early we had no problems getting in right away.  They were ready and waiting for us.  The plan was to have an ultrasound to verify the boys were still down.  Check!  Then they needed to see if I had made any progress on my own.  No.  So then they went ahead and gave me some Cervidil.  It stays in for 12 hours and the hope is that it will soften the cervix.  So the long wait began.  

I started out in the hospital bed but that didn't last for long.  It was way to uncomfortable.  You would think that the hospital would get some much more comfortable beds considering the person in them is going to be in so much discomfort.  I doubt I was in that bed for a half hour.  I had Doug move some furniture around and bring the recliner close to the monitor.  This recliner is where I stayed mostly through the night the next day and the next night. 

The Cervidil did cause me to have fairly frequent contractions which is good.  But since it made me obviously uncomfortable they gave me some Stadol so that I could rest through the night.  It made me get the shakes and feel yucky.  I had this with the last pregnancy but I thought it was because of the Pitocin.  Now that I know it was the Stadol I am making a mental note to never take that again.

May 3rd.

Yay, today is there birthday!  Or so I expected.  Ha ha, jokes on me.  

I was checked for any progress and there was barely any difference.  Grrrrr.  The doctor decided to go with Pitocin instead of another round of the Cervidil.  He hoped that my body would decide to progress on its own.  It was a very uncomfortable day.  The Pitocin definitely made me have contractions and at one point they had to back down on how much I was getting because they were coming to frequently.  I took a couple of showers that day and it helped me to relax. By the evening I was so tired and at my end that I was getting weepy.  I didn't feel like I could go on.  I was ready to give up. 

You all know how much I did not want a c-section but I was really contemplating it.  Doug was so wonderful to me.  He kept encouraging me and saying how he knew I could do it.  He told me how strong I was.  I had not progressed much all day and so I was not at a point were I could even get an epidural to alleviate the pain.  That evening the Pitocin was turned off and I was able to order some dinner.  I was so hungry and grateful to eat.  Then I was given another round of the Cervidil as well as some Morphine mixed with something else to help with the pain and make me sleep.  The morphine managed to help me make it through the night but I was in tears again the next morning.  The discomfort was more than I could stand.  Doug kept encouraging me.

Grandpa Doug, Grandma Heidi, Grandma Wanda and Grandpa Mike were there part of the day hanging out with us.  We had a nice time visiting but we were all a bit bummed that the boys were not going to come that day.  The grandparents left to get some rest and would come back to wait again the next day.

May 4th

They checked me again that morning and there was finally softening and changes happening.  I ordered breakfast before they hooked me up to the Pitocin again.  I tried taking a shower but it didn't last very long.  I hurt so much I couldn't stand or sit in the water.  I got out and leaned over the tub feeling very nauseous.  But by the time the food arrived I was still feeling so sick to my stomach from the pain that I couldn't eat a bite.  At least Doug got to eat it for me so it didn't go to waste.

The good news was that I was progressed enough that I could get the epidural and it couldn't come soon enough.  Time to move out of the recliner and into the bed.  The anesthesiologist came in and I knew from prior experience that this was going to be really hard for me.  You have to lean forward during a contraction and not move while he inserts the needle.  OMG!  I kept counting and telling myself just a few more minutes and then the pain will be gone.  Only a few more minutes....

Finally finished.  The soft tingling in my toes started and worked its way up my legs.  Oh man, that feels so much better.  Finally some relief.  And laying in the uncomfortable bed wasn't so uncomfortable any more...because I couldn't feel it.  :-)

I don't remember much of the rest of the day because I slept through most of it.  I know that my doctor came in a couple of times but I had no sense of time.  Then my doctor walked in and started getting equipment out and ready which woke me from one of my snoozes.  I asked him if it was time to start pushing and to my happiness he nodded and said yes I was ready.  They rolled me over to my back and got me ready.  The grandpas left the room.  My mom and Doug were going to be there with me and I had invited Heidi to stay if she wanted to.  I think this made her a little excited.  Okay okay, maybe a lot excited.  I'm glad I could make this day special for her.

I couldn't feel any of the contractions so I had to rely solely on the doctors and nurses.  When they said push I pushed.  Three pushes later out popped William.  Wow!  That was quite unexpected on my part.  I was expecting a little more time pushing the first one out.  I thought that would be the long part of pushing, to get the first one out.

They layed him on my stomach but he couldn't come up too close to me because he had a short umbilical cord.  Time of birth was 4:20pm.  Doug cut the cord while I admired the top of my little ones head.  He had such dark hair.  Not much, but it was dark like Arawynn's was.  I pulled William up closer to me so I could see his face.  He was so tiny.  Such tiny features.  Petite might be a better explanation.  He was gorgeous.  I held him for a few minutes until it was time to start pushing again.  I handed William over to a nurse so she could clean him up.

Push.  Push.  Push.  Take a break and wait for the next contraction.  Push.  Push. Push.  Second break.  Push.  Push.  Push.  Another break.  Push.  Push.  Push.  He's almost there, just keep pushing if you can.  Push.  Push.  And there he was.  Again they laid my baby on my stomach.  Time of birth 4:39pm.  Nineteen minutes after his brother.  The first thing I can see is the top of his head and noticed that his hair was lighter than William.  And he was white.  Almost blue actually.  I was concerned that the cord was around his neck but it had not been.  After the cord was cut I pulled him up close so I could see his face.  He looks so much like Doug.  He had such big lips.  His face was so much more round than William.  He was already wanting to nurse as his mouth went through the sucking motions.  I handed him off to a nurse to get him cleaned up.

William was handed back to me all cleaned up, wrapped up and wearing a hospital hat.  They wrote a big A on the front of his hat.  He was so precious.  I admired his little face more and we talked for a bit.  I eventually let his Papa hold him.  Doug brought William over to Levi and showed him his brother while Levi was getting cleaned up.  Then I guess he went out into the hall to show the Grandpas their grandson.  I found out later that my dad had been waiting by the door and listening for their cries when they were born.  He was beside himself with anticipation.

 holding William

At some point I tried nursing and I was able to hold Levi after he was all cleaned up.  But it's all a blur and I don't really remember much.  I was just so happy and exhausted.  I wanted to hold my babies and admire them but I wanted to have a nap too.  It was a good day.

 Levi

Happy birthday my precious boys!

 Levi Gregory Lang

William Robert Lang

Hello Everyone

Sorry I haven't posted in a while.  Most of you have heard through the grapevine that the babies were born on May 4th.  I have been so busy and exhausted that I haven't been able to write here.  I started once but never got to finish the post.  I think of it everyday and hope to get to it but between feeding, changing diapers and trying to catch the occasional nap I haven't had time.  I hope to get to it soon.

William Robert was born at 4:20pm weighing 6lb 1oz and 18 inches long
Levi Gregory was born at 4:39pm weighing 6lb 5oz and 18.5 inches long

Thanks for all of your prayers!

Molly

Are we there yet?

Tonight is my last night at home.  I hope I sleep well.  But I might have a hard time with that.  I might be too excited to sleep.  

I've got my list of things to get done tomorrow.  Last minute errands and chores.  Thankfully Doug will be servant to make sure my things get done.  

The Grandmas and Grandpas are all getting ready to come in the next day or two.  The boys will have an awesome welcoming party waiting for them!

As I sit here writing this my mom is painting my toes.  The boys should see something pretty when they come out. Right?

Stay tuned for photos!